There was a typical blond.  She had long, blond hair, blue eyes, and she
was sick of all the blond jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make-over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a
country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the
sheep herder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep."  She said.

"Well thank you."  Said the herder.

"Tell you what.  I have a proposition for you."  said the woman.

"Okay."  Replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one
home?"  Asked the woman.

"Sure."  Said the sheep herder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied

"382".

"Wow."  Said the herder.  "That is exactly right.  Go ahead and pick out
the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Then, the herder said "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?"  Queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

----------------------------------------

A brunette goes into a doctor's office:

Brunette:  "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me."

Doctor:  "Well, tell me your symptoms."

Brunette:  "Well, everything hurts. When I touch my nose it hurts
           (touching nose), when I touch my leg it hurts (touching leg),
           when I  touch my arm it hurts (touching arm), it just hurts
           everywhere!"

Doctor (after looking at her for a second): "Did you used to be a
       blonde?"

Brunette:  "Why yes!"

Doctor:  Your finger's broken.

----------------------------------------

Medical - Blonde Medical Terminology
=================================
  Anally - occurring yearly
  Artery - study of paintings
  Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
  Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
  Bowel - letters like A.E.I.O.U
  Cesarean section - district in Rome
  Cat scan - searching for kitty
  Cauterize - made eye contact with her
  Colic - sheep dog
  Coma - a punctuation mark
  Congenital - friendly
  D&C - where Washington is
  Diarrhea - journal of daily events
  Dilate - to live long
  Enema - not a friend
  Fester - quicker
  Fibula - a small lie
  Genital - non-Jewish
  G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game
  Grippe - suitcase
  Hangnail - coathook
  Impotent - distinguished, well known
  Intense pain - torture in a teepee
  Labour pain - got hurt at work
  Medical staff - doctor's cane
  Morbid - higher offer
  Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
  Node - was aware of
  Outpatient - person who had fainted
  Pap smear - fatherhood test
  Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
  Post operative - letter carrier
  Protein - favouring young people
  Rectum - damn near killed 'em
  Recovery room - place to do upholstery
  Rheumatic - amorous
  Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
  Secretion - hiding anything
  Seizure - Roman emperor
  Serology - study of knighthood
  Tablet - small tab
  Terminal illness - sickness at airport
  Tibia - country in North Africa
  Tumor - an extra pair
  Urine - opposite of you're out
  Varicose - located nearby
  Vein - conceited

 ---------------------------------------------------------

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about the new
blonde nurse.

"She's incredibly dumb," said one doctor. "She does everything
absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2
milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2
hours. He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her
to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas
in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my
god!" said the first doctor,

"I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

-----------------------------------

Three pregnant ladies, a redhead, a brunette and a blonde were all sitting
in the doctor's office one day.

"I'm glad this one will be a boy." announced the redhead.

"But," inquired the blonde, "how can you know?"

"Well," explained the redhead, I conceived during the male dominant
position."

"Yes," agreed the brunette, "and my baby will be a girl because I
conceived during the female dominant position."

With that the blonde burst into tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the other two ladies.

To which the blonde wailed,  "I'm gonna have puppies!"

-------------------------------------------

A blonde woman says to her girlfriend "my husband has dandruff".
"So give him Head and Shoulders" her friend answers.
"OK, how do I give Shoulders?"

-------------------------------------------


A young couple are out carousing one evening.  While driving down the
highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you
take off your clothes?"

She agrees and he begins to speed up.  When the spedometer hits 100 she
starts to strip.  When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring
at her that he drives off the road and flips the car.  The girl is thrown
clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in
the car.  "Go get help.", he pleads.

She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover your snatch
with that and go get help."

She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the
road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant,

"HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies,
"I'm sorry Miss.  He's too far in."


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