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DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME
and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not,
you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened.
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1) pick a number from 1-9
2) subtract 5
3) multiply by 3
4) square the number (multiply by the same number-not square root)
5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6+4=10=1+0=1)
6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.
7) multiply by 2
8) subtract 6
9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C,etc...
10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter
11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal
that begins with that letter
12) think of the color of that mammal
(keep scrolling)
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DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE
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Here it comes, NO CHEATING!
You should have a grey elephant from Denmark.
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YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT......
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal
Plastic Cups (ie. Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up
(one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce
yourself.
13. If your bed time is no longer 10:00 PM, but 3:00 AM.
14. If you consider pizza one of the four major food groups.
15. If you consider the other three to be beer, McDonalds, and candy.
16. If you've ever missed a class to watch Ricki Lake.
17. Or play Warcraft.
18. If you've ever sent e-mail to the people you live with.
19. If you refer to your meal card as "plastic".
20. If you've ever spent a good hour searching for your student I.D.
just so you could get that one dollar off at the movies.
21. If you've ever stayed up all night just so you wouldn't sleep through
your morning class.
-----------------------------------------
LETTER FROM MOM
Dear Louanne Ellie Mae:
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't
be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that
lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have
to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it
works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and
haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you
wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to
send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in
the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a
baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know
if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out,
but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he
burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate
down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
------------------------------------------------------
Greeting Cards Unsuccessfully Test Marketed by Hallmark :
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one...
...I got real snippy!
2. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get well soon",
but I know it's incurable.
3. My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I looked at the
tire....I found your cat... Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a
bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when
they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the
bright side, she's a really good lay.
7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret about
your wife though... She's moving in with me.
8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have
installed... Win'95.
9. You totalled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was...
that case of Bud Dry
10. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next
time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.
--------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ONLINE TOO LONG IF:
1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.
3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.
4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your
significant other.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to
meet, your first thought is to IM her.
8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish
to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.
9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since
the "real" world is at your fingertips.
10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
11. When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually
transmitted diseases.
12. You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people,
you inform management that there is an error.
13. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at
you.
14. You go up to people you are attracted to "in real life" and ask them
for their GIF.
15. Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely
jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.
16. You don't even know what your cyber-love looks like.
17. When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word i should
be capitalized.
18. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
19. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep
instead of talking.
20. Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night.
21. When someone says, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!"
22. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.
23. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know you're
on-line again.
24. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your
own spouse's.
25. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they
complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.
26. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to
your own.
27. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying
too much than the truth (online all night).
28. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own
profile to see who you are.
29. You go into labor and you stop to type a special E-mail to let everyone
know you're going to be away and how you're feeling.
30. You marry your cyberboyfriend/girlfriend and you both sit at your own
computers & chat to each other every night from across the room.
31. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the
same time.
32. You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have
committed them yourself!
33. Your dog leaves you.
34. You are doing things more and more that you swore you would never do
when you first got online.
35. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their
buddy list.
36. You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where
people are you have met.
37. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore
button handy.
38. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.
39. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting and you
think, "Uh oh, cyber sex perv".
40. You go thru "withdrawal" if you are away from the computer for more
than a few hours.
41. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.
42. You understand what BIF ISO BIM means. (I wonder how many will get this
one...If so, you've been hanging out in *strange* places).
43. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee.
44. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.
45. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome
screen.
46. You wait 6 hours online for a certain "special" person to come home from
work.
47. You don't know where the time has gone.
48. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by
hand.
49. Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have
had.
50. You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer
instead.
51. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.
52. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/ {{hugs}} or **kisses**.
53. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.
54. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n & I
will TTYL".
55. You type faster than you think.
56. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing
therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.
57. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.
58. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.
59. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls
up your TV screen at the end of a movie.
60. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes and
fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"
61. You dream in "text".
62. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.
63. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you're really
bored.
64. You don't want to leave in case you miss something.
65. You double click your TV remote.
66. You can now type over 70 wpm.
67. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.
68. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say "BRB"
or "BBL".
69. You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail (a.k.a. snail mail).
70. You go into withdrawals during dinner.
71. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone
in a room.
72. You stop speaking in full sentences.
73. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up "giving"
tech support to other AOLers.
74. You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".
75. Your last sexual experience was really just a "textual" experience.
76. You know what a "snert" is.
77. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
to "check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was
online".
78. You meet people from AOL in public & you have no idea what their real
name is, so you call them by their screen name.
79. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.
80. When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing
they'd be on AOL so you don't have to meet them in person.
81. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.
82. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete
sentences.
83. You have met over 100 AOLers.
84. When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have a
profile you ask them for an age/sex/location check.
85. You understand the humor in all of this.
86. You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.
87. When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you ask them to go for you,
and think they can.
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