How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace


Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're
waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for
lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the
meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries
with that.

Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about
the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a
co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're
all present.

Come to work in your pajamas.

Put a picture of your mother on your business card.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always
wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if
your boss is a different gender than you are.)

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these
names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to
disagree with you there, Chachi."

Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.

Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all
reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures
yourself.)

Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.

Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's
Playland. Charge everyone 15 pounds each.

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing.
For example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."

No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Plant a hedge around your cubicle.

Grow mould in your coffee cup.

Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.

Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk
in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.

When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter,
"I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.

Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.

Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into
your daytimer.

"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since
you did this.

Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.

Email nude gifs (graphic image files) of yourself to your coworkers.
Tell them you got them off the Internet.

Hang mistletoe over your desk.

Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note,
I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased
to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."

Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right
as special treats for your co-workers.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge.
Try to pass them off as your children.

For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in
the fish tank. If no one notices, take off your snorkel and see how many
you can catch in your mouth.

Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the
lunchroom. When people complain that there was none... Just lean back,
pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." See
how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Then start
planting pizzas.

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

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Top Ten things said after sex

1.   Wake up, I want more!

2.   WHAT??.. That's IT???

3.   You sweat more than a galloping racehorse!

4.   Zzzzzzzzzz......

5.   Are you finished yet ??

6.   Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

7.   Was it as good for you as it was for your best friend?

8.   I thought you said you had the keys to these handcuffs?!

9.   You mean you want me to pay for THAT??

10.  Who are you?


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Matt and his secretary are having an affair.

They decide to leave the office early one day and go to the secretary's
apartment for an afternoon of lovemaking. They fall asleep and don't wake
up until 8PM later that night.  They quickly get dressed and the man asks
his secretary to take his shoes and go rub them in the grass.

The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.  The wife
is very upset and asks him where he has been.

The husband replies, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having
an affair. We left work early today, went to her place, made love all
afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!"

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those
grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't
you!"

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		Good Luck Mr. Gorsky

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he
not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for
Mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual com traffic
between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered
the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some 
rival Soviet Cosmonaut; however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in
either the Russian nor American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck,
Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. 

On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a 
speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong.

He finally responded.

It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the
question.

When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the 
backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors'
bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to
pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex?
Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the
moon!"

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20 THINGS TO DO AT A FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU


1.  Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colourful
    expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2.  Drive through backwards.
3.  Belch your order.
4.  After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape.
    Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each
    other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5.  Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6.  Walk through.
7.  Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager
    comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker
    had such difficulty understanding you.
8.  Repeat everything the order taker says.
9.  Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?")
    before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a
    small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of
    line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of
    food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them
    several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make
    sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there
    is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When
    you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible
    fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic
    at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at
    the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to
    pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on
    the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking
    VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes,
    have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the
    order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to
    "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.

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A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks,
a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said,
"Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and
if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.  I'll take good care of you
and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,
"I'll keep  you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The blonde nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece
of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the
captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's
taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Manly ferry."

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A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with
a tribe therein.  He spends years with the people, teaching them to read,
write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he
particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit
adultery or fornication!!

One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white
child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to
talk with the missionary.

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman
gives birth to a white child.  You are the only white man that has ever
set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has
been going on!"

The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you
have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to
thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one
black one.  Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you don't say
anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child"


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On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window
onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in
the field.  The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly
continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to
find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the
hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!),
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to
the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said,

"I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have
sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to
you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again.  So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened,
he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him,

"If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything
right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough
to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the
field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect,
and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met
the mermaid.

"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if
you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said,

"Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"

And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,

"Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!!  Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty
times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."

Then the young son asked, "Wait!  How do I know that thirty times in a
row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

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